after taking these two pictures and putting them together in a gif that makes my dad laugh so hard he cries he says “every cent you’ve spent on college is worth it” haha

had to get up to use the restroom in the dark…realized there is a possibly open box cutter, exacto knife, and pair of scissors scattered somewhere around the floor of my room. freeze in terror in the pitch black waiting for eyes to adjust before moving to the bathroom. stupid art class.

Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.

A word to the wise isn’t necessary. It’s the stupid ones that need the advice.

I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”

I thought about doing my final papers drunk, then I imagined my teacher’s response “A lot of this is pure gibberish and I’m pretty sure that’s vomit on page 4.”